9 Biggest Hurdles You Face During a Breakup (And Why You Need a Breakup Coach)

You've finally made the brave move to end your relationship, but you didn't realize how bloody hard this would be. You don't even feel like yourself, and you're actually quite shocked that you thought you were stronger than this. 

You're a badass man or woman who is excelling in their career, has awesome friends, and has worked really hard in life; but breaking up with your ex is the hardest thing you've had to do in a very long time. 

You've gone through breakups before, but this one is different. This one feels really real. 

You consider yourself a pretty logical person for the most part, but nothing could prepare you for the following breakup challenges.

In this section, I'll go over the 9 biggest hurdles, and why hiring a breakup coach might be the right way to go.

(Note: every breakup is different, which is why I help people at every stage of their breakup.)

  1. You feel empty and alone. In my opinion, these feelings are some of the hardest ones we face when going through a breakup, almost like we'd rather be miserable with him, than have to face those feelings of loneliness and emptiness alone. Hiring a breakup coach can help you to look forward to something, and feel supported. My breakup coaching programs will assign you homework, assignments/projects, and resources to get you through each week without feeling like your calendar is completely empty.

  2. You feel like you are lacking direction. Breakups are so much more than two people splitting up; these big life events and transitions are what force us to take a good look at our lives and all the events that brought us there—for better or for worse. As a result, we tend to ask ourselves, "what am I doing with my life?" A breakup coach can help you create a plan so you don't have to have feel like you aren't processing. 

  3. You're questioning your judgment. What really sucks about breakups is that your friends and family reveal their candid opinion about your ex; from "I never liked him," to, "you need to heighten your standards," you feel like you're being judged, and also questioning how your not-so-great judgment has brought you here. In my breakup coaching, I help guide you towards clarity using curiosity, and ditching the judgment. We'll take the approach of constructive observation, so you can see yourself without providing an evaluation to your actions. Learn more about this process by booking a call with me here.

  4. You've got a million questions and no closure. Unlike what the romcoms promise, closure is something you make; deciding to work with a breakup coach can be that solution for your closure. Funny enough, on a personal level, my ex gave me what would traditionally be considered closure: an honest opinion about why we are better off apart, what happened during the breakup and our relationship, and wishing each other the very best. I know first-hand that receiving closure does not mean you internalize it. Breakup coaching can help you get to a place where you feel satisfied and powerful about the decision you made to end things. It puts the power into your hands, even if the breakup wasn't initially your decision. 

  5. Your friends just don't seem to fully get what you're going through. Your friends love you, and have good intentions, but you're finding it hard to connect with them without feeling defensive. By hiring a breakup coach, you're enlisting them to have your back, your best interest in mind, and their objective guidance as you move through your breakup. It's not about who is "right" or "wrong," or even understanding both sides of the story; it's really about being heard and understood the way you deserve, and making space for that to be nurtured.  

  6. You're afraid of becoming too miserable. Ever feel those brutal feelings creeping in to the point that you feel like you have to stop them or else you'll find yourself unable to get out of that negative head space? I get that. With a breakup coach, you'll feel safe talking through your emotions, instead of avoiding them (which happens more than you know it). As a society, we are conditioned to hide our feelings and suck it up or be professional, which is why you'd benefit from having professional guidance to share in a meaningful way. 

  7. Living with uncertainty. Feel like you'll never find love again? Uncertain you'd be happy without him? Uncertain you can get through the day without texting him? The support of a breakup coach can help you build a foundation you'll feel confident in yourself; you can create that certainty now that he's out of the picture. You'll go from feeling like he was the stability in your life, to knowing you are the only stability you need. Learn more about this life-changing process by booking a call with me here. 

  8. You feel unproductive, unfocused, and slower than usual. One of the feelings many people don't share about their breakup is that feeling of "loss of productivity" due to the fact that your mind is so consumed in your breakup. Many people have not validated that breakups affect our working lives, and our ability to focus on your daily tasks. Most of us have personal days given to us at our jobs, but how many of you secretly feel judged for taking up this offer? Exactly. I bet you haven't taken a personal or sick day unless you were feeling like you were pretty much dying. In society, the generation before us pushes to "work harder" and so Millennials have developed this mentality that if they're not working every second of the day, then they're not being productive. I know this first-hand, which is why I feel so passionately about helping women create the balance in their lives they deserve, and not be products of the rat race. It seems that they're putting their careers in front of their mental health, and that's not okay. Hiring a breakup coach would allow for you to have an accountability buddy who would be able to help you create balance between your work priorities, and taking care of you. After all, you never truly learned what self-care actually entailed, and you're not sure your employer agrees with this. 

  9. You despise being in your apartment now. You spent most of your time either sleeping over at his place, and when you did spend time in your apartment, it was envisioning your packing all your stuff for you two to eventually move-in together. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and now you really don't appreciate the atmosphere, and feel lonely when you're there. Consider getting a breakup coach, who can help you reframe the way you see your home, and create a space you love (and I don't mean interior design tips). You'd be surprised to learn about the blocks that exist between your home and your past relationship.

How many of these 9 points resonated with you? If you mentioned one or more, then breakup coaching is for you. 

Check out my online Masterclass and Coaching Programs designed specifically with you in mind

Nancy Deen