7 Empowering Words That Describe You During Your Breakup (Just When You Were Feeling Sorry For Yourself)

You might be feeling sad and alone, but the process you’re going through right now is one that will change your life for the better. I promise you.

But before you throw yourself a pity party, here’s 7 empowering words that describe YOU. Yes—you—with all the tears, tissues, Netflix, and sweatpants with popcorn still stuck on them from two nights ago. You are AMAZING.

I’ve been writing about my clients and followers for a while, and the one thing I see consistently is that they aren’t giving themselves enough love and compassion. So, I took the liberty to write a blog about how amazing you all are for going through this process. I don’t make this stuff up, you know.

Courageous. It takes courage to leave a relationship that wasn’t working for you. Even if you weren’t the one who instigated it, you are a fiercely courageous person for putting yourself out there and being your best self in a relationship. Courage means that you put your heart out there and were willing to try, even if you didn’t know how it would work out. Don’t ever stop doing that just because this relationship didn’t go the distance.

Positive. I know you’re getting out of bed, going to work, and putting on that brave face for your friends and colleagues. You’re known for being a positive person, and that’s something you will want to appreciate about yourself, especially during this breakup period. Even if you don’t feel it right now, know that your positivity will carry you through this difficult process.

Strong. You are mentally and emotionally stronger than you think—trust me on this one. Those tears and questions you have do not signal weakness—they signal vulnerability. Being vulnerable is a huge sign of strength as it’s not easy to be transparent like that. Our society does not promote self-love and compassion the way we deserve during a breakup, so know you’re an incredibly strong person for going through this journey.

Trusting. You might be feeling so hurt by the breakup because you trusted someone with your heart. You know just how hard it is to open up and trust, especially after being hurt. I know you’re over there thinking that you don’t want to give your heart to anyone else again, but isn’t there this part of you that knows how amazing it’ll feel to fully give yourself to someone new again?

Fearless. Being fearless is actually not the absence of fear, but the courage to keep going knowing that the fear is still around—that totally describes you. I know you’re still putting yourself out there and going on date(s) in hopes of meeting the right person.

Just because you’re afraid to move on doesn’t mean you should stop yourself from doing it. I see you taking one step after another, and that’s something to be proud of. Your ability to handle adversity is something to admire.

Inspirational. Who knew breakups could be inspiring? They certainly are. Because very soon, you’ll be sharing your breakup story with someone who is fresh out of one, and you’ll talk about what you did to move through it with empathy and compassion for yourself. The Universe needs you to experience this because it’s going to be something you talk to others out and inspire them to keep going in their journeys. Talk about #MOTIVATION.

Beautiful. Maybe you’re labelling your crying as the “ugly cry,” but the way you’re going about the healing process is beautiful. You’re letting yourself release those built-up emotions and mourning the loss of a relationship you truly appreciated. On top of that, you’re doing the work and self-reflection so you can grow to become an even better person. Is that not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever witnessed? I think so.

Alright, feel better now?

You deserve it. 

XO

NRD

Why Investing In Breakup Coaching Might Just be The Best Decision You Ever Made (And It's Affordable Too)

Alright, so you're wanting to finally get over your ex, but there's just one problem: therapy costs $250 per hour and you're not looking to commit to $15K for life coaching. Your friends are supportive of your getting over him, but their advice just isn't doing the trick.

Plus, they can't stand to hear you talk about him any more at happy hour. 

You know what you "have" to do to get over him, but you're not sure how to actually do that. 

You know you have to:

  • stop staying in touch with your ex, even though you like talking to him from time to time

  • stop comparing your new dates to him, even though he was pretty much perfect for you (besides not wanting to be a couple anymore)

  • stop bringing him up as if he's still present in your life, even though you feel he played a big part of it

  • start getting clear on what you really want in a relationship, but when you do that, you think of all the good times you and your ex had

But again, how do you really do that? It sounds logical, but none of this is about logic. It's about emotionally developing yourself to guide you towards clarity. You feel like you're in this weird vicious cycle that keeps pointing you back towards you and your ex. You want to break the cycle, so you think maybe after enough dates, you'll have found Mr. Right and that will be the end of it. 

If only it were that easy. 

Plus, you've heard of the power of coaching based off your friends and colleagues' recommendations, but you're not sure your bank account can get on that same level of enthusiasm. You might still be paying off student debt, paying a lot of your income towards rent, or finally just got that job that gives you enough income that you can finally order guac for an extra $2.50. (Yay!)

And you're also not convinced you need to develop a year-long (or more) relationship with a therapist to solve all your issues. After all, you've got your work, education, health, and friendships on point, so it's really just about getting over your ex and moving on to someone worth spending your life with. 

So who actually qualifies for breakup coaching?

Breakup coaching is the right fit if you:

  • Just ended a relationship

  • Want to get relief from all the obsessive thoughts 

  • Want to feel confident about the decision to end the relationship 

  • Are tired of hearing your friends say they're tired of you talking about your ex

  • Have been broken up with their ex for a while yet still thinking about him

  • Prefer not to break the bank while going through a personal transformation

  • Are curious about personal development

  • Have been out of a relationship for a while, and have been struggling to get your life in order ever since 

  • Are in need of more empathy 

  • Love inspirational content and love to get motivated 

  • Enjoy learning from coaches and have used one in the past 

So now that we've broken down the overriding issue: budget (downtown living) + you don't want to commit for a year, let's find out if any of these scenarios scream #OMGmyliferightnow.

Scenario #1

You're going on dates, and some of them are pretty good, surprisingly. Until you see your ex on a dating app, and suddenly all those feelings, thoughts, memories, come rushing through your body, making you feel paralyzed. You thought you were doing okay after things ended, but you're realizing now that maybe you've got some unresolved feelings. 

Scenario #2

You think you're totally fine post-breakup, yet you want to share those big milestones with your ex, even though it's been over a year, and your friends are wondering if you're ever going to cut that "emotional umbilical cord." You think it's healthy to still be pretty close with your ex (given that most people aren't), but you secretly get annoyed when he doesn't email or text you back. 

Scenario #3

You continue to date men (meeting IRL or on the apps), but have never found that perfect combination of "good on paper" and long-term material. After all, your ex pretty much had it all (minus the emotional availability part) and now you're not sure if it's the guys you're going out with, or the fact that maybe your subconsciously (or consciously) picking men who are all-too-similar to your ex. You don't want to believe it's you, but you can't help but think what part you're playing in all of this. Maybe you're just meant to be with your ex once you two finally grow a little apart. Yes, that must be it. 

Scenario #4

You seriously hate that you two are broken up; you know things were perfect, but what relationship is? Sure, you fight a lot, but surely thats because you two really care about each other. You often hear your friends and family telling you that you're still young and he's just not the right guy for you. Even though a part of you feels that's true, you feel sick at the thought of him not being part of your life anyone. You find it hard to concentrate at work, and you really don't like being alone at your apartment. 

 

Okay, did I just totally call you out, or what? (My bad. Not really.)

Breakup Coaching At a Glance

Now that we've confirmed that you're looking for an affordable, healthy + quick solution to your breakup, let's go into the details of what you can expect in this service. 

Your Breakup Plan includes:

  • 1 Preliminary Coaching Session, with option to continue depending on first session

  • Guidance on the beginning and middle of your breakup. From discussing: 

    • how to handle social media (delete, block or keep following him?)

    • getting past the first month alone

    • how to get relief from always feeling the need to talk about your ex 

    • did you make the right decision to breakup?

    • how to get your friends to support you in this time

    • what you can do to help heal your broken heart

    • how to gain confidence as a single woman

    • how you can be your own best friend during a breakup

    • what you're looking for in a partner and how to achieve that

    • what books to read that specifically relate to your breakup

    • how to actually find the guy you're meant to be with  

  • Creating a plan for your future (so you can let go of the uncertainty)

  • Range from 1-12 weeks depending on plan

  • Flexibility in your breakup package so your coaching sessions are tailored to your specific breakup needs 

Price: $200 for the first session (1.5 hours). Continuation depending on first session. 

Sound too good to be true? It's not. My mission is to help thousands, maybe even millions, of amazing women get access to an affordable breakup service so they can focus on creating their ideal life. It's our birthright to live the life we dream of, and working through a breakup is the step that often leads to a beautiful life, with the right guidance and support. 

Find out how we can get you through your breakup together. Book me here.

6 Pieces of "Tough Love" You Need to Hear After Your Breakup (With a Little Humor)

In every breakup, there is a series of stages that occur in the first few weeks. I could argue that you'll feel many stages in one day. 

Half the time you're incredibly confused why one moment, you're feeling okay, and the next—you're trying so hard not to text your ex. 

One minute you're relieved you've ended things, and the next—desperate to talk to them and convince them you two should get back together. 

This is normal. Yes, you heard me: normal. 

But, what I have to say is going to come as a surprise to you (actually, it won't. Because you were looking for some tough love by clicking on this article). 

Here's the tough love: you need to pick yourself up and stop blaming yourself (or him) for everything that went wrong in the relationship. 

Your ex played an equal role in the relationship's termination. (Is that too harsh to say, "termination?") 

But here I am, full-well knowing that you are an incredibly strong person who just needs a little....kick in the butt. 

As a breakup coach, it's my job to assess where you're at in your breakup. You might still be the "Sweatpants Phase." (Read: Friends episode when Chandler ends things with Kathy.) I think you're right on the cusp of working through this. You're looking to take matters into your own hands. 

It's time to face these realities—together. 

1. You're going to lose (their) friends

With any partner you have, you're going to make new friends and connect. Connecting is what us humans do with each other. 

Unfortunately, when the ex goes, many (or all) of their friends do, too. That's part of the circle of life. (Or circle of relationships, whatever.) You might want to seek clarity or compassion by connecting with his friends post-breakup, but don't. It's most likely only going to give you false hope and hinder your healing. 

What's good about this is that you don't need walking reminders of your past relationship. Let it go. Let him move on with their life and their friends, and you can move on with yours. We all know you'd hate it if your friends kept talking to him, and you kept wondering what he was up to. Right? 

Look to your friends, even if you just have one. Hell—even if you just have your mother. Look at the people in your life you can confide in. Having someone who reminds you of a time before them can be extremely comforting. They serve to remind you that you're so much more than just an "ex-partner" but an incredible, smart, fun person making a difference in life and business. And don't you dare try and pretend that's not true. 

2. You're going to feel uncomfortable frequenting your local spots 

Chances are, you may never want to walk into that local bar with the amazing happy hour and cheap appies—the place you two used to always go after work or before a game. He's most likely not going to stop going there either. You'll need to be the person who decides to find a new place to go. You're going to have to be the bigger person. 

It might sound really unfair, but if you want meaningful distance in a relationship, you've got to listen to this tip. There's nothing worse than holding your breath and secretly hoping you run into him there while you're "randomly" popping in to get a "casual" drink before your Bumble date. Save yourself from the embarrassment because this does not go over well. 

3. You're probably going to have to give up his Netflix account (or any other subscription service) 

If you're anything like me, then you are watching Netflix on your ex's account. I didn't get a new Netflix account until I convinced my parents to get one, only after my ex lost his credit card and the account shut down while his new CC was being mailed. 

Don't be like me. You don't need a reminder every day when you click into the profile that you're actually looking at his name, and his family members. Just pay the $13.99 or whatever price it is per month. That's $13.99 of dignity you're investing in yourself. 

4. You will have to let go of that travel dream you had together (and make it your own)

I once (past tense) had a friend who ended things with her guy and she said she dreamt of going sailing around the world with him, but now that their relationship is done, her dreams of sailing international waters are shattered. 

But I thought to myself, if it's your dream, you should just do it. 

She should have just done it. You know what she did instead? She got back together with him. Despite all the hurt he put her through, they got back together to make her dream happen. You might think, "wow great." But no—she is likely unhappy secretly, but her dreams of travel remain alive and well. 

The moral of the story here is that we attach our dreams to another person, but it's not about them making our dreams come true for us, especially if it's an unhealthy relationship.

Create your own fate and destiny, and watch your dreams turn into reality. Every now and again, I think to myself: my friend could have met her actual dream guy while she travelled alone sailing around the world. 

5. You will need to start over

If there's one thing I know, it's that breakups aren't really just about ending a relationship, it's about that moment of, "holy sh*t, what do I do now?" 

It's a scary feeling. One that paralyzes us to look back into our past and rearrange reality. 

Instead, just embrace the scary feelings. The good stuff happens after you've accepted some of the scary realities. 

I swear, people don't tell us enough that our wildly erratic and emotional thoughts are actually pretty normal. We end up hiding them until they force us to take a leave of absence at work. (You don't want this.) 

I just went on a slight tangent there. So once you've acknowledged the scariness of starting over, then comes the motivation and thoughts of, "how do I make good use of this breakup, and how can I use it as a clean slate?" 

Clean slates are amazing. Each morning is a perfect time for a clean slate.  Your breakup is going to be the best clean slate you've ever been given—if you are constructive with it. See #6 on how to make this happen. 

6. You will need to fill your weekends with "me" time now 

You're probably still feeling how crappy it is now that you don't have any guaranteed weekend plans, but did you really have them with him? I'm sure half the time (or more) was spent with you organizing what you two did together anyways. He was likely non-committal, and you ended up driving to his place most of the time. 

Instead, now you can be the CEO of your life. It's actually an incredibly freeing and happy feeling once you let yourself know that. Obviously, with any new habit, it's going to feel unnatural at first. That's okay. Let yourself feel weird and unnatural as you enjoy your own company. And then watch now your energy shifts as you go through the process. 

There are endless amounts of ways to get in touch with yourself and be constructive about your breakup. Just download my 40+ breakup activities checklist for some inspiration. 

Alright, to recap what you just learned:

  • Ditch his friends—you don't need them anyway. You've got your own friends

  • Frequent new local spots instead of the ones you dined at with him

  • Get a new Netflix account or ask to share your bff's account

  • Create your own dream instead of relying on him to make it come true 

  • Take advantage of the clean slate you've been given

There you have it — a little tough love, from someone who gets exactly how crappy a breakup can be. 

If you're thinking, "wow Nancy, I really don't like you right now," then fine. Here are my downloadable tools to help you through your breakup. You won't stay mad at me for long. 

XO

Nancy 

9 Biggest Hurdles You Face During a Breakup (And Why You Need a Breakup Coach)

You've finally made the brave move to end your relationship, but you didn't realize how bloody hard this would be. You don't even feel like yourself, and you're actually quite shocked that you thought you were stronger than this. 

You're a badass woman who is excelling in her career, has awesome friends, and has worked really hard in life; but breaking up with your ex is the hardest thing you've had to do in a very long time. 

You've gone through breakups before, but this one is different. This one feels really real. 

You consider yourself a pretty logical person for the most part, but nothing could prepare you for the following breakup challenges.

In this section, I'll go over the 9 biggest hurdles, and why hiring a breakup coach might be the right way to go.

(Note: every breakup is different, which is why I help people at every stage of their breakup.)

  1. You feel empty and alone. In my opinion, these feelings are some of the hardest ones we face when going through a breakup, almost like we'd rather be miserable with him, than have to face those feelings of loneliness and emptiness alone. Hiring a breakup coach can help you to look forward to something, and feel supported. My breakup coaching programs will assign you homework, assignments/projects, and resources to get you through each week without feeling like your calendar is completely empty.

  2. You feel like you are lacking direction. Breakups are so much more than two people splitting up; these big life events and transitions are what force us to take a good look at our lives and all the events that brought us there—for better or for worse. As a result, we tend to ask ourselves, "what am I doing with my life?" A breakup coach can help you create a plan so you don't have to have feel like you aren't processing. 

  3. You're questioning your judgment. What really sucks about breakups is that your friends and family reveal their candid opinion about your ex; from "I never liked him," to, "you need to heighten your standards," you feel like you're being judged, and also questioning how your not-so-great judgment has brought you here. In my breakup coaching, I help guide you towards clarity using curiosity, and ditching the judgment. We'll take the approach of constructive observation, so you can see yourself without providing an evaluation to your actions. Learn more about this process by booking a call with me here.

  4. You've got a million questions and no closure. Unlike what the romcoms promise, closure is something you make; deciding to work with a breakup coach can be that solution for your closure. Funny enough, on a personal level, my ex gave me what would traditionally be considered closure: an honest opinion about why we are better off apart, what happened during the breakup and our relationship, and wishing each other the very best. I know first-hand that receiving closure does not mean you internalize it. Breakup coaching can help you get to a place where you feel satisfied and powerful about the decision you made to end things. It puts the power into your hands, even if the breakup wasn't initially your decision. 

  5. Your friends just don't seem to fully get what you're going through. Your friends love you, and have good intentions, but you're finding it hard to connect with them without feeling defensive. By hiring a breakup coach, you're enlisting them to have your back, your best interest in mind, and their objective guidance as you move through your breakup. It's not about who is "right" or "wrong," or even understanding both sides of the story; it's really about being heard and understood the way you deserve, and making space for that to be nurtured.  

  6. You're afraid of becoming too miserable. Ever feel those brutal feelings creeping in to the point that you feel like you have to stop them or else you'll find yourself unable to get out of that negative head space? I get that. With a breakup coach, you'll feel safe talking through your emotions, instead of avoiding them (which happens more than you know it). As a society, we are conditioned to hide our feelings and suck it up or be professional, which is why you'd benefit from having professional guidance to share in a meaningful way. 

  7. Living with uncertainty. Feel like you'll never find love again? Uncertain you'd be happy without him? Uncertain you can get through the day without texting him? The support of a breakup coach can help you build a foundation you'll feel confident in yourself; you can create that certainty now that he's out of the picture. You'll go from feeling like he was the stability in your life, to knowing you are the only stability you need. Learn more about this life-changing process by booking a call with me here. 

  8. You feel unproductive, unfocused, and slower than usual. One of the feelings many people don't share about their breakup is that feeling of "loss of productivity" due to the fact that your mind is so consumed in your breakup. Many people have not validated that breakups affect our working lives, and our ability to focus on your daily tasks. Most of us have personal days given to us at our jobs, but how many of you secretly feel judged for taking up this offer? Exactly. I bet you haven't taken a personal or sick day unless you were feeling like you were pretty much dying. In society, the generation before us pushes to "work harder" and so Millennials have developed this mentality that if they're not working every second of the day, then they're not being productive. I know this first-hand, which is why I feel so passionately about helping women create the balance in their lives they deserve, and not be products of the rat race. It seems that they're putting their careers in front of their mental health, and that's not okay. Hiring a breakup coach would allow for you to have an accountability buddy who would be able to help you create balance between your work priorities, and taking care of you. After all, you never truly learned what self-care actually entailed, and you're not sure your employer agrees with this. 

  9. You despise being in your apartment now. You spent most of your time either sleeping over at his place, and when you did spend time in your apartment, it was envisioning your packing all your stuff for you two to eventually move-in together. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and now you really don't appreciate the atmosphere, and feel lonely when you're there. Consider getting a breakup coach, who can help you reframe the way you see your home, and create a space you love (and I don't mean interior design tips). You'd be surprised to learn about the blocks that exist between your home and your past relationship.

How many of these 9 points resonated with you? If you mentioned one or more, then breakup coaching is for you. 

As my promise to help every Millennial woman with a broken heart, I offer a complimentary 30-minute coaching session. Book yours today and let's chat ASAP!