A New Way to Self-Care During Your Breakup
Self-care: the newest and greatest trend to ever exist.
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If there’s one life event that gets you to wake up and realize you’re not practising good self-care, it’s a breakup.
Here’s the problem: most of us don’t realize how badly we need it until we’ve driven ourselves into the ground, and can’t seem to figure out why we’re so run down.
And then we don’t know how to get out of it.
So, this week, I’m talking all about self-care.
The who, what, where, when, how.
In this article, you’ll learn:
a proper definition of self-care that works for you
why we all kind of suck at self-care
self-care essentials you need to try
things you don’t consider self-care that actually ARE
A meditation to help you get grounded (at the bottom of this page)
Alright, so what EXACTLY is self-care?
While it might seem pretty straight forward—it’s not. And here’s why.
The reason we don’t practice good self-care (or sometimes know where to begin) is because no one teaches us this stuff until we’re in our 30s and thinking we don’t have our shit together.
But self-care is what it sounds like. It’s the care of self.
As in: how do you want to take care of yourself?
Let me ask you this: when you’re going through a hard time (like when you’ve learned your ex is in a new relationship, or when you’ve texted your ex when you promised yourself you wouldn’t), do you ever ask yourself what do I need right now?
No, you don’t.
You go to the place of:
“I’m not doing it right.”
“I need to be better.”
And the outrageous “what’s wrong with me?”
Where the F is that loving voice that says, “wow, you know what? You’ve been THROUGH it today/this week, and right now you get the green light to do what YOU want.”
Self-care is about checking in with yourself multiple times a day and choosing the path that feels good for you.
It’s the path that’s in your best interest.
It’s the decision that leads you towards more compassion and self-love.
It’s the ability to choose a more helpful, healthy, and appreciative pace for yourself.
Unlike what we might think, self-care isn’t exactly what you do that looks like it’s in the category of self-care, like taking a bath or ordering your favourite takeout.
In my opinion, it’s about seeing yourself in the most loving light in any moment, and then choosing the most aligned actions.
You don’t have to DO the things people say is helpful or acts of self-care.
First you need to get aligned with what you need in the moment.
But you need to check in with yourself, and not just call a friend or your mother.
Use your own intuition, or inner guidance to help you open up to see what you need first.
Yes, calling a good friend or family member is often helpful, but you have the answer to what you need within you every moment.
“But Nancy, I don’t even know how to trust myself anymore.”
Thank you for your honesty, and now this is a practice of developing a good relationship to yourself and trusting your own gut instincts and needs.
Checking in with yourself & putting it into practice.
Okay, I’m going to outline a classic example of how you can check in with yourself based on various scenarios you’re going through (or will be going through).
You drunk texted your ex
Maybe after one too many drinks, or just a full day of ruminating, you decide to text your ex. You begin to regret it almost instantly, and then after an hour there’s still no response. Now you’re feeling like they have the power and that you’re totally weak for giving in.
So what’s the self-care solution here? The key here is to notice when you begin self-criticizing and coming up with stories about what this incident means.
Once you notice that what you’re envisioning is self-criticism, you can ask yourself, “wait a minute; what do I need right now to take care of myself?”
Then let your inner guidance tell you.
But Nancy, what if it doesn’t say anything? Or how do I know it’s my inner guidance speaking?
You know it’s your inner guidance when:
what you’re feeling or thinking/hearing feels good, and puts you in a state of ease
it sounds like a loving, motherly voice
You feel calmer, and the spiralling begins to settle
(In some cases) you suddenly feel like you can relax to the point of falling asleep after a long period of insomnia
Ultimately, your own wisdom makes you feel at ease with the current situation. It’s a shift in perspective.
Self-care essentials for your breakup
Okay, so far in this article we’ve covered what self-care is, and how to check in with yourself using your own inner guidance.
Now, let’s talk about some amazing self-care activities during your breakup. Remember: check in with yourself first, and then decide if any of the following come to mind.
Sometimes when I’m not sure what I want to do, I’ll scan a list of things to do and see which one stands or, or piques my interest.
This is a list of things that I both LOVE doing, and found really helpful during my breakup.
Write a letter to yourself as you a year or two from now. This exercise gives you the intuitive guidance around what you need to do, feel, and think right now to heal. There is something incredibly therapeutic about your future self giving you guidance
Listening to a personal development audiobook and going for a stroll
Going for a walk and focusing on what I hear, feel, see, smell, touch, taste (this really helps me get out of my head)
Reading a book I feel the Universe is trying to get me to read (when everyone and their mother is recommending but yet I haven’t picked it up yet)
Going on YouTube and searching how to make a gourmet meal, and then taking my time in the grocery store to buy the right ingredients and enjoying the process of gathering and cooking
Rearranging my room/apartment and getting organized which helps me to embrace the new beginning
Digital detox: instead of blocking my ex (who didn’t even have social media) I completely got off social media for 3 years and I felt so liberated!
Calling my grandmother when I feel so stuck in my own experience that I forget about the love I have in my life
Binging the best of the best relationship/dating-based Netflix shows like Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce, Sex in the City, The Bachelorette, and any other series that’s coming to your mind right now
Meditate! Enjoy breakup-specific meditations on my brand new channel here. I know when I need to meditate and it’s when my mind is deliberately trying not to stop.
Taking a bath with relaxing salts and essential oils and your favorite candles
Which of these ideas pique your interest right now? Oh, none? Perfect. Which OTHER options come to mind for you?
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I hope you enjoyed this spin on self-care during your breakup. Remember: you have all the answers within you, and I just want to help you see that as a breakup coach.
Sometimes your inner voice might say “take a nap” or some days it says “book that 3 week vacation.”
The choice is always yours.
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!
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