If Dating Isn’t Going Well, It’s Not Your Luck—It’s Your Attachment Style
“Why does this keep happening!?!?!?!?"?” You ask yourself after yet another relationship doesn’t work out after a shorter period of time together.
You meet someone, it feels promising, and then—poof. They pull away.
Or it slowly fades until you’re left obsessing over your texts from them and replaying everything in your mind as to what could have gone wrong.
It’s exhausting. It’s confusing. And after enough false starts, it can feel personal. Like maybe you’re just not meant to have the kind of love that lasts.
But here’s what I want you to know: it’s not your luck. It’s your attachment style.
Your attachment style—the predetermined way you respond in relationships based on your childhood ways of receiving love—is quietly running the show in your dating life. And until you understand it, you’ll keep attracting people who mirror your wounds instead of your worth.
Let me say that one more time: until you understand your attachment style and how it interacts with the attachment style of the people you date, you’ll keep attracting people who mirror your wounds instead of your worth.
That’s why I created Your Last Breakup Ever: a 3-part audio course that dives deep into why you keep attracting people who pull away from you (even after meeting their parents, their friends loving you, and them seeming WAY MORE into you in the beginning).
Listen, dating isn’t supposed to feel like a game of emotional chess, where one wrong move gets you ghosted, or being needy scares someone away.
If you’ve noticed yourself doing any of these, your ANXIOUS attachment style might be in the driver’s seat:
Text-checking anxiety (“Why haven’t they replied yet?”)
Overanalyzing tone, timing, or emoji use
Pretending you’re fine when you’re not
Becoming really preoccupied with the relationship, even if it’s only 10 days into meeting
Trying to be the “perfect” girlfriend and being intentionally “chill,” or “rational”
Being overly understanding
If you relate to this, then you and I are so similar! Before I met my hubby, I wanted a healthy relationship more than anything! It seemed like everyone else but me was able to keep a lasting relationship and I kept running into people who didn’t want to be with me even though I thought I was a real catch. And it so easy to get a date, but I just couldn’t keep them interested!
It turns out, my anxious attachment style was running the show. It was why I swiped right on the people I would, and also why I would often get called “needy” regularly (thank, mom), and then pretend NOT to be needy to people I dated.
Us anxiously-attached girlies, we are the over-givers. The one who sees potential before proof.
We fall fast and try to earn love through effort (granted we don’t really realize this while it’s happening).
But you end up exhausted—overthinking every silence and blaming yourself for every ending. You feel a lot in your gut but everyone keeps telling you to stop overthinking.
But you know if they continued to talk to you and make you feel safe then you wouldn’t be feeling how you’re feeling!
I know, it’s like I’m reading your mind. The culprit in all of this is that your unconscious way to love, again—your attachment style—is attracting people who are the opposite to you—avoidantly attached.
They’re all in until you start showing you’re all in
They pull away for very little reason and do not communicate this
They suddenly become busy with work when they were so open in the beginning to say they make time for those who matter
You often see them on their phone when you’re together but when you’re apart, it takes them 6+ hours to respond to you somehow
In Your Last Breakup Ever, I talk a lot about how the anxious and avoidant attachment styles are deeply attracted to each other and how to change that so you can start feeling secure in relationships and get off the rollercoaster of finding someone promising to having it fizzle out, only to get back on the apps again.
You’re not too much—you’re just owning your needs
Somewhere along the way, we were taught that needing reassurance or consistency makes us “too much.”
But needs aren’t weaknesses — they’re critical to the health of the relationship.
Before I learned about everything I’m sharing with you inside Your Last Breakup Ever, I swear I was being the picture perfect girlfriend—always putting them before me, and literally thinking I was vocalizing my needs when really, I didn’t have a clue what my true needs were.
The only need I ever shared was “communication.”
Of course, I later learned I often said that was because I’d date avoidant men who didn’t value communication.
And communication is an important need, obviously. But if that’s the only need you think is important than you will really enjoy learning about your attachment style and the fact that good communication is actually the bare minimum in a relationship :)
You have many, many needs. And your future partner actually wants to know them, see you embody them, and help you meet them.
I know, it sounds crazy and like that could never happen to you, especially with the fact you’ve been told you’re too needy.
But I promise you—this is available to you. And you’re not reading this accidentally. You were guided to the right resources to help you figure out the problem that’s been weighing on your for YEARS!
In Your Last Breakup Ever, I’ll walk you through exactly how to identify your core needs, and communicate in a way that attracts emotionally available partners.
And maybe you’re reading this because you’re a little (or a lot) burnt-out.
This burnout often happens because you’re low-key neglecting yourself.
Your needs. Your true desires. Your gut instinct.
I truly believe once you understand your attachment style, and narrow in on your attachment wounds, dating feels different:
You can walk away faster from mixed signals
You feel grounded, not anxious, after meeting someone
You stop confusing distance for desire
You stop keeping the door open for those who literally are proving they don’t want to be with you
Most importantly, after the course, you’ll become so distinctly aware of how you’ve been dating without even realizing it, and start dating from a place of personal power and ease. You will feel good identifying the wrong people, and quickly, and know when to stay.
You’ll never wonder why dating isn’t working for you.
You’ll see in plain sight an emotionally unavailable person in front of you and call it quits—early.
You’ll never wonder why they broke up with you. You will get to set the tone in the relationship.
Sound good? Let’s make this your last breakup ever.
Start your healing today with Your Last Breakup Ever—the course that helps you understand your attachment style, own your emotional needs, and finally stop dating from fear.
Hi, I’m Nancy!
A conscious breakup coach, wife, mom and I have helped a lot of women with anxious attachment styles heal & find the right partners for them. Get the game-changing dating course I created to start finding the right person for you right after.