The short story about me is this:

I always dreamed of becoming a matchmaker (like Millionaire Matchmaker’s Patti Stanger) since I was 16 years old.

It was one of those moments where you don’t know how, but you just know.

When I relocated across the country at 22, I actually ended up landing a job as a matchmaker. (I know what you’re thinking: who knew that was actually a career path someone could take!)

Here’s what I learned: it’s in no way the glamorous job I thought it was. That said, it had its awesome moments, like working for someone who reminded me a lot of Patti, and having the flexibility to meet so many people and learn so much from them. I also met new friends through networking, and learned a ton about myself as an entrepreneur. Not too bad for a 23 year old.

But not long after I started working, something started to shift. I started to really notice certain things about the people wanting to join the club.

What I observed matchmaking clients describe as a match mostly translated to:

• “Please help me find someone who is exactly like my ex as I don’t want to tell you how extremely not over my ex I am”

• “I have a lot of hidden unhealthy relationship patterns that I can’t see so could you find the ideal, perfect, person so I don’t have to face any of my own sh*t”

Sound familiar?

We don’t realize we have these unconscious patterns we continuously live out when we are dating and in a relationship.

And guess what, I’m guilty of it, too! We all are, until we decide that we deserve healthy relationships, and that means looking at our previous relationships with curiosity and personal accountability.

My personal breakup story, and how I landed a healthy, conscious partner

Going through my own breakup in 2016 while also being a matchmaker (I know, I know—ironic, isn’t it?) I learned that I was responsible for how I saw the relationship, and also why we didn’t work out. I’m not saying I’m wholly responsible, but my ex was certainly not wholly responsible either. Blame could only get me so far.

I realized that if I really wanted a healthy relationship, I’d need to figure out first why I couldn’t maintain a healthy relationship. After doing the inner work I teach my clients in our coaching together, there’s so much truth in seeing our ex’s as our greatest teachers.

And I can tell you right now that the work I did, the same work I teach my clients, has landed me by dream relationship (photo to the right). But it all started because of my painful breakup. I used my breakup as an opportunity to grow, and to learn about myself on such a deep level.

I had to get honest with myself, and find out what was holding me back from really deep love.

I had to get vulnerable, something I really didn’t have much expertise in at the time. (I used to pride myself on not crying.)

This had me wanting to guide others to overcome, and have a safe space to process, their breakups, so they could land their healthy, conscious partner the same way I did.

Going through a breakup is actually a gift; it helps us let go of what isn’t working for us anymore, even if the decision to end the relationship wasn’t ours. It’s the Universe’s way of taking care of us. Our job is to see why.

This is how I guide my clients. This is the key to not only getting over your ex, but coming out stronger, more conscious, and more joyful than ever. The only side effects of our coaching together is finding healthy, authentic, connected love.

How I became a conscious breakup coach

Back to my matchmaking days. In my own time, I started studying coaching so I could help my clients.

Funny enough, I quickly learned that my advice was not welcomed. One client actually wrote to my then-boss that they were “paying us to be matched and not to get psychology lessons” from me about relationships. I remember when I got that email; I realized that same night that it was time to start a business where people do want my relationship guidance.

(To the woman who wrote that email, I just want to personally thank you for helping me spread my wings to become a breakup coach who has gone on to help people all over the world.)

I wanted to help men and women answer questions like, “why do I keep dating the ‘same’ person over and over?”

“Why can other people find love easier but I keep getting involved with the wrong people?” (totally my old story)

“Why am I a catch but when it comes to relationships, I’m terrible at them?”

“I’m too terrified to end my relationship. But I’m terrified to stay. What do I do?”

“How could my ex do this to me? What happened?”

But I didn’t want to be another dating coach; I wanted to be the coach where people could turn to for empathy, compassion, and mic-drop insights. After all, that trifecta is my recipe for a client’s success.

I wanted to share my own personal journey and help others get through the tough stuff using my conscious coaching experience and matchmaking insights.

Plus, interviewing close to a thousand people on an intimate level has definitely given me some serious intel into the dating and relationship industry.

Since 2018, I have been referred to as Breakup Coach Nancy, helping people all over the WORLD process their breakups in a healthy, conscious way—in the comfort of their own homes.

Ready to grow through your breakup?