Is Going No Contact With Your Ex Right For You (According to a Breakup Coach
Okay, so you’re flirting with the idea of taking space from your ex.
Why?
Maybe you’re tired of being disappointed with where things are headed.
Or maybe you want to cut off their access to you.
Or you just want to see who you are without them.
And most of all…you just want a fresh start and actually close that door.
Going no contact was something that changed my life and gave me everything I was seeking: detachment from the toxicity, finding myself again, and regaining a sense of power I lost along the way.
But you’re here because you have questions about the whole process.
You want to weigh the benefits, and you want to hear the powerful stories that came out of this.
I gotchu.
And before I go into my whole spiel, I wanna talk about how there’s actually quite a few businesses that talk about some level of manipulation when it comes to going no contact with an ex.
I’ve seen a lot of of go no contact so they come back to you and almost away to play a game with your ex.
But over here at Hollow break up we are a lot more conscious and intentional, and we make things about our own healing.
so maybe you’ve landed here because you’ve been curious on the power of going no contact, Specifically, if it’ll help your ex wake up and see how magnificent you truly were, But unfortunately, I’m not a wizard and I Can’t see into the future that well.
but until I become a wizard, I’d like to talk about it going no contact his beneficial for you and your last relationship specifically.
And before we jump in, I want to share that I have my space from him: the conscious girls guide to going no contact Program available That you can check out here.
You’re looking for meaningful space
Going no contact is definitely for you if you are looking for a meaningful space from your ex, but what does meaningful space really mean?
It means that you’re giving yourself full permission to explore what this next chapter of your life brings and is really all about unintentional approach to taking space from them. You’re looking at this period as a chance for you to rediscover yourself and learn who you are and make this time about your own development.
You’re not trying to play a game or make him see how amazing you finally are (although I know you really wish that would happen—and I don’t blame you). Instead, you’re approaching this period as time for you to get to know yourself without them in your life affecting your energy and decisions you make on a daily basis (I shouldn’t go out of town this weekend…what if he reaches out and wants to talk?)
2. You’re looking to break a pattern you may not even know you have
When I committed to going no contact with my ex a long time ago before going no contact was a real thing you did, I didn’t even all the established patterns that were in play that were unconsciously keeping me glued to him and miserable.
For example, I got stuck needing him to see where I was coming from until I finally let him go. He was never fully giving me the closure that I needed to move on, and I didn’t even realize that I was unconsciously staying in that relationship dynamic until I got * hopefully * got closure because at the time I thought closure was about him giving that to me instead of realizing that I needed to trust my own instincts and what I needed in a relationship and for me to be the one to finally cut it off and reclaim myself through that.
This was incredibly powerful for me—deciding that no matter what he was doing, I was choosing to do this for me because I no longer wanted to be entangled in these dynamics and patterns that he too couldn’t even see.
Going no contact and actually having meaningful space to see a handful of patterns come up for me provided so much clarity that I needed that I would otherwise not be able to see had we stayed and communication and stuck in those unhealthy and borderline (okay—really) toxic patterns.
3. You’re looking for a genuine desire to reclaim your power
In my experience, most people who are considering no contact with their ex are doing so because they lost their power along the way.
Maybe they’re anxiously attached or maybe they realize that they don’t feel in control or have any agency in the relationship anymore.
They’re looking to get back in the driver seat of their life again. This is something I go in depth in the Space From Him: the conscious girl guide to going no contact. Often, we slip into this dynamic where our ex has all this control even if we believe that that’s not how things started out.
And we want to finally have meaningful space and no contact so that we can reclaim that level of control and agency and break those attachments keeping us stuck in our misery.
I would argue that that’s one of the most important things when it comes to going through a breakup because going through a break up is really about developing our self-respect and self-worth and self love in a way that carries us forward and allows for that inner healing to happen when we finally break free of an unhealthy dynamic (even if the relationship seemed healthy in the beginning).
When I’m working one on one with a client we focus heavily on taking back their power that has been lost along the way and working through what it means to have really high self-worth so future relationships can thrive.
4. Wanting to let reality sink in and find clarity
I’ll be the first to admit that having a lack of clarity in the breakup is often associated with keeping contact with an ex.
Sometimes we stay in touch with an ex because we’re holding onto hope and wishing they’d wake up and finally see how much value you bring to the relationship.
But when you finally decide to go no contact, you’re letting the reality of who they were in the relationship sink in.
You have space from them to realize how much or how little they really contributed.
You get to evaluate how much effort they actually putting into the relationship to keep it going.
How much were they putting into maintaining a thriving relationship. (Answering this one can really sting).
Having space creates space to see the reality of the situation and the dynamics and to take off those rose colored goggles.
In my Space From Him: The conscious girls guide to going no contact, I take you through my process to finding that clarity so you can feel really confident to move on without all the constant wavering that might be happening right now. You can see more details here.
5. Excited to discover who you are without them I feel like yourself again
If I had to deduce the number one reason why you should go no contact it’s to rediscover who you are and start feeling like yourself again.
Right now, I’m sure you’re feeling really heavy and overwhelmed and confused and like you waiver between holding onto help or letting them go and starting fresh.
But imagine feeling like your old, vibrant self.
Lighter, softer, and not attached to your phone waiting for them to text you.
Wouldn’t that be nice? To go through an actual work day without thinking about them?
To be where your feet are, and not head-in-the-clouds wondering if they’re thinking of texting you.
Yes, YES IT WOULD!
(Unless you’re like, actually—no Nancy. I want to be miserable, it feels comfortable.)
When you commit to going no contact, you’re essentially saying that you deserve to heal, and feel good again.
It’s the ultimate healthy power move.
Not a power move against your ex, but a power move for yourself. To regain your power, sense of control over your life, and making decisions that benefit you.
You deserve this. Remember that.
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If you’re feeling ready to commit to going no contact with your ex, check out my latest program Space From Him: The Conscious Girl’s Guide to Going No Contact.